Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Starving the vampires

Do you know a group of people who constantly asks too much of you?  Do you feel inundated under a wave of requests, both big and small?  Do you often just take care of something since you're going to be asked to do it anyhow?  Do you get guilted into doing things that aren't good for you? Do you resent these requests while taking care of them anyhow?

I experience all of these things. I know many other people who do, too.  It frustrates me when it happens to me, but it hurts me when I see it happen to my friends.  I should probably be feeling a mix of both emotions in both of these cases, but it's easier to be annoyed than hurt, so I refuse the one to focus on the other.  In my journey to a healthier future, I must not be burdened by other people's expectations, and I must embrace my own self care.  I know this, and I am starting to live it.

I am learning to say no. I have to. I've given too much of myself to people who don't respect my time or energy or what I do for them.  It is an act that I must now train myself to do in a way that is full of love for myself, and equally important, is loving enough to stop enabling other people's irresponsibility, whining, and self pity.  I have spent my entire life feeling vaguely guilty for many things that are not my fault, and I now release my guilt quickly when I have to say "no" for any reason. I embrace my own worthiness and right to time spent doing what I choose.  I am not here to fix everyone's problems. I don't have to fix anything for anyone who is not willing to do at least try to do it themselves.  As I do this, I am trying to be more mindful of the requests I make to other people, and I hope that over time, I can strike a balance that is happier and healthier for everyone involved.

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