Monday, March 9, 2015

The boy I fell in love with v. the man I love

Thanks to YouTube and my love of cover music, I got an unexpected stroll down memory lane.  I was watching a video of Hozier covering a song for an Irish radio station. Aside from adoring his voice, I have a bit of a crush on him. He looks a lot like my husband did years ago. The shape of face, the eyes, the scraggly beard, the lanky build. The clothes, which look like they were stolen from my husband's closet in 1998, were even perfect. It was sweet, and a little sad.  I hadn't realized I missed the old him a little.

Sometimes, I miss the boy I fell in love with. He was cute, awkward, shy, gentle, and uncertain about everything except his love for me.  He was full of hope and eager to please (not just me, which was sometimes problematic), and he was the sweetest boy I'd ever met. He was 6'4" and long, skinny limbs, and shaggy hair and warm eyes.  His hands and feet still looked too large for the rest of him, and he was a listener, not a talker.  His shyness was sometimes painful, and his appetite, astonishing.

Seventeen years later, he's different, and I love it. I just miss the younger him sometimes, too. He's grown into himself, and his body is now pretty graceful. He's not skinny anymore, years of heavy labor filling out his chest and shoulders.  The hair on his head is leaving, and his beard now has some grey, but his eyes are still the same.  He's confident now, and strong in ways neither of us ever knew we'd need.  He's learned his own worth, and learned to respect and be respected. He's learned to stop trying to please everyone and focuses on those people who matter to him.

My husband has become a man to admire, and that's wonderful.  I find greater joy in seeing the glimpses of who he was now than I thought I might.  As much fun as the trip to the past has been, I'm pretty happy to be with him, as he is, now.

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