Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Inarticulate

I typically find that I can convey some semblance of thoughts to other people.  Obviously, As you all read many of these thoughts without emailing me to say. "Mandy, I don't understand a word you write," I manage.  Sometimes, thought, words elude me. Sometimes this inarticulate period affects only my writing, and I stop writing until I can communicate again. Other time, I find that even talking is leaving me frustrated.  It would be so much easier if I could just share the ecosystems of my mind with you whole cloth and unaltered.

You could see the origin of ideas that would take volumes to convey but which take seconds in my mind to experience. You could see why some things are conflated in my head, but others are only distantly related.  You could understand with depth my thought process, but without sacrificing hours to read through or listen to them.  If I could show you my inner symbols, I think you would see me differently. Of course, if I could do all these things, I would also have to decide whether or not I was brave enough to do it.

Hopefully, I will find my way out of this inarticulate phase soon.  It's frustrating to only be able to connect with myself when I have something I want to share.  I look for ways to explain, I write long posts and delete them or archive them without publishing.  I tried painting them, too, but that was a bust.  I can't even adequately explain them out loud, so I can't bounce them off of anyone else.  If I could, I might be able to distill them down to some writings.

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