Thursday, May 29, 2014

Fifteen years- what marriage has taught me

Fifteen years ago, my husband and I stood in front of our family and friends and promised to make our lives together.  Fifteen years ago, we couldn't have imagined this life that we share, but I'm not sure anyone ever sees clearly that far ahead.  We have learned and grown and changed and become so sewn together that sometimes, it's difficult to remember that we weren't always a part of each other.

We have weathered storms, both the literal and figurative sorts together. We brought two amazing, if sometimes trying, curious, beautiful boys into the world (and we're trying for a little girl currently). We have remade ourselves, both as individuals and a couple. We've moved away from family and friends and familiarity to new places, new situations, and we have been the stable thing for each other in a world that constantly shifts under our feet.

Our love is stronger, if a little less passionate, but we accept that steady warmth is better for us that a momentary blaze.  We are more yielding, because a little flexibility makes us stronger. We celebrate still cuddle on the couch and talk about our days and dance in the living room to the radio. We do chores together, and learn new skills from each other. We trudge forward even when things feel useless and unending, and we give each other space.

Marriage is hard, hard work. It has no guarantees and no handbook for getting right (despite what certain authors will tell you). Our marriage has been the day to day commitment to keep going, to work harder, and to never give up on each other.  Our life together isn't perfect; it's often hard and frustrating, but we keep going with the hope that tomorrow is going to be better and that finding someone who understands you and loves you as you are (but is always willing to help you be better) is rare find.

Happy anniversary, honey. Our journey together has taught me so much about myself, and you have made me a better person with all of your patience, your  willingness to work hard, you acceptance of who I am, and your support of all of my best ideas (and your superhuman ability to shoot down all the really crazy ones before Heather and I take off with them). I hope our next fifteen years are even better than these!

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