Monday, March 31, 2014

The thrill and fear of discovery

In my public life, the one away from here, I am discovering parts of myself that I didn't know. It's both exhilarating and frightening. I am fighting to bring about a community wide change and that places me as an adversary to the way things are now.  This has required careful thought before I speak or act, biting my tongue, a lot, and constantly examining my motivations to be certain that my heart is in the right place. It is also putting me out in the open when I prefer to work behind the scenes. I am outside my comfort zone, and it's not a disaster.

I'm excited that I am surviving, that I'm pushing things forward, that this is my opportunity to change something important.  On good days, its an amazing feeling, but on other days, it's terrible. I am seeing inequities, I'm seeing behaviors that I can't stand, and I am often frustrated by people who are making assumptions or who won't listen. They sap my energy, raise my ire, and make me feel like nothing will ever change.

I am taking heart in the my discoveries. This new part of my life will likely be opening doors I didn't expect, and it's helping meet some people who are amazing allies in the struggle to create a sense of community.  I'm gaining some confidence, and learning to see a whole new part of my world that was always here, but hidden.  I hope that if you are offered the opportunity to try to create change that you take it and learn the power of being brave enough to try.

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