Tuesday, January 21, 2014


With all the emotional tangles in my life- my in-laws, my husband's new job, and somehow getting myself elected as co-chair of a community task force (don't ask), I've twisted myself up physically as well.  In protecting my injured knee, I managed to twist my back into a position that it normally can't get into, and it hurts.  It got me thinking , however, about all the ways we twist ourselves into shapes that don't suit us.

We can get into some incredible tangles while trying to find our way through life. Some of these are like my back injury, caused by trying to protect some other soft spot from harm; others are caused by trying to twist our faces away from who we really are and denying our identities.  Some twists are inflicted upon us by the people around us, as we attempt to please them, avoid them, or avoid getting hurt by them.

I used to envision people as gemstones in the cutting process, with facets and planes that all, eventually create a beautiful, coherent picture. Now, I think most of are more like balls of string and twine and rubber bands all twisted and tangled together, but straining to be one thing or the other, and to be as beautiful and useful as we can be.  I'll admit this metaphor isn't as pretty or poetic, but right now, it makes a lot of sense.

Tonight when I lay down and wait for sleep, I think I'll  have to put some energy into my strings and rubber bands that are twisted and tangled.  Maybe some sense, some order can be found in the mess I see, and if nothing else, it'll give me something to do while laying flat on back staring at the ceiling.

"I've got a heart full of rubber bands that keep getting caught on things."  -Butterfly Boucher "Another White Dash"

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