Monday, November 11, 2013

Swimming to avoid sinking

Life has been chaotic.  Between my husband hurting his back, again, at work, and PTA issues and holidays, I've been so busy swimming so I don't sink that I haven't had time for me.  I'm lucky to brush my teeth, hair and shower each day, and writing has been completely out of the question. Clearly, I need to reassess my priorities, carve out some time for myself and stick to the plan, whatever that may be.

I've started by cleaning up the house. The energy trapped in these 900 square feet is not good energy.  It's choking, heavy and big.  I find myself needing to rearrange furniture, open windows and toss things out. The kids even open their window constantly trying to usher it out.  You know it's bad when my husband even comments that it needs to be broken up.  Right now, for another hour or so, I can enjoy the faint breeze blowing in throw my bedroom sliding glass door. It helps me to feel like things are changing.

My second realization is a need to pull back on the PTA activities.  As president, some people feel I need to be involved in everything and other people feel I don't need to know anything about what they do.  When a problem arises, I feel compelled to get involved, and maybe that's not good for any of us.  I need to practice saying "No" and delegating. I need to make clearer boundaries and stick to them.

I also need to remember that I deserve time to do what interests me. It enriches my life, makes me feel like i have control over some part of my existence, and it helps me feel valuable as a person rather than a servant or tool for everyone else's use. I need to make sure that I spend part of each day on myself, no matter how busy things are.

There are times in our lives when we keep moving because standing still isn't an option, but those times should be brief and  never suffered willingly. When we find ourselves moving to avoid sinking, we need to start planning for a better, less reactive, more proactive tomorrow.  Deal with your crisis, by all means, but plan to get out of that reactive mode of living as soon as possible because it's exhausting and deceptive. The appearance of motion often keeps us wasting our energy on tasks that eat our time and energy but do not get us anywhere.


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