Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Facing my fears with an audience

The universe is listening and replying, not in the way I'd like, but in a strange, funny, and twisted fashion.  Heather and I were talking about my fear and disdain for any sort of public speaking, including the idea of recording some of my guided meditations from Into the Cauldron.  As we talked, it was full of laughter and silly observations about our voices and the value of facing fears.  Then, I had to go. The sitter was here and I needed to go to school for the parents only Back to school night.  Imagine my dismay when I ended up speaking in front many of the parents from school with no makeup on, a big scab on forehead, no prepared speech, and five minutes of warning.  At least I'd changed out of the stained tie dye shirt.

Yep, I faced one of those fears and survived.  I don't think I did well, but I survived.  You'd think I'd feel taller or something, but mostly, I'm sitting here giggling and blushing.  I can laugh at myself, and this seems the perfect moment to do so because it's so, so silly.  My husband, of course, is amused as hell at the whole thing, and a little proud that I didn't throw up or degenerate into a total idiot while talking (that's not to say that I wasn't partially an idiot, but that's simply normal).  He always has more faith in my abilities than I do, though.

So, the universe and gods listen to us, and often provide opportunities to do what we need to do, but of course, they will never offer on your terms alone.  The decision is yours, do you face these moments with fear and anger and resentment, or do you embrace courage and laughter and growth? I'm quite certain that the real test isn't in the performing of the task, but in making the choice to between fear and courage.  Remind me I said this next time I have to face my fear, okay?

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