Thursday, July 11, 2013

Are you sure this is my body?

Have you ever felt really uncomfortable in your body, so much so that you've doubted it belongs to you?Lately, I've been having trouble with a disconnect between my mind and body, and it's really, really frustrating.

When I'm sitting here typing, I miss keys and make errors, even as my brain is screaming at my fingers to cooperate. I have ideas for paintings and craft projects, but my hands can seem to create in anything.  My mouth mangles words, and slurs familiar phonemes into unrecognizable mush.  I can't sleep. I'm dropping things left and right, and trip over my own feet, if I'm not paying careful attention (my toes are all sore from running them into solid objects several times a day, especially ones I saw before I ran into them).  I'm starting to feel like I'm wearing someone else's body. Then again, maybe it's on backwards or inside out. Kind of like when you manage to pull on your clothing wrong.

I guess this nasty, uncomfortable feeling is one way to enforce introspection.  If I can't communicate with the world, I may find a way to communicate more clearly with myself, at least until I figure out how to wrestle my body back into compliance. Or, I could try leaving my body and getting back into it, the way I do when I manage to put my pants on backwards or inside out.  Maybe time is all I need.  Hhmmm, this all sounds an awful lot like self exploration.  Darn Mercury!


  1. Did you recently have a minor stroke? I had a mini-stroke once and didn't even realize it until much later. And I'm not really in the category of people who normally get them. The stroke itself is pretty quick, but the effects last for a while... Mine just started with a bad headache (I get those a lot), and then I kept doing stuff that I thought made sense but nothing worked out. Like the speech thing you described (that happened a lot over the next year), or at the time, trying to call a friend, but using the phone wrong. >D I'd dial their name (seven buttons), not their number. Little things like that. And it would go away, and come again a week later. Maybe get checked for blood clots?

  2. How scary for you! I'm pretty certain most of my problem is related to how badly I've been sleeping. On days that I have had a full 8 hours of sleep, I feel pretty good, but when I miss some sleep, the problems reappear.

    I will mention this to my doctor, though, when I go in for a check up. Thanks for the advice and the concern!


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