Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Screaming

I didn't wake up well this morning, and the week has been pretty crappy.  I had a PTA meeting last night which meant the bedtime was messed up for everyone. I didn't sleep well. I woke up late (forgot to change the alarm); the kids weren't cooperating ( getting dressed, eating breakfast and brushing there teeth is an everyday occurrence  right?), and the car needed gas (unfortunately, there are no convenient gas stations in this town).  After managing to get out of the house, fuel the car and drive to school, Gavin pointed out that Aiden didn't have his backpack (after we had sat there for 10 minutes).  That was the last straw.

I screamed for the entire drive back home to pick up the bag.  I don't know if it's because I live with a bunch of Y- chromosomes or just personalities, but my family never hears me until I'm upset.  It doesn't matter the topic- getting ready in the mornings, bedtime, car repairs, emotional issues- none of them listen until I scream.  I'm sitting here with a sore throat, a bunch of guilt, several cups of anger, and a lot of confusion.  Since this has happened a lot in my life, I wonder if I'm just meant to be a doormat or if there is something about my speaking voice that makes it easy to filter out completely.

For right now, I'm going to sip my tea.  Meditate, and then, I'm going to start looking for a bullhorn.

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