Sunday, August 19, 2012

Dramatic dreams

"Your mom just dropped dead."  That sentence rang suddenly through my dream.  It startled me so bad that I woke up.  Before that moment, I had been having a vivid dream about a my everyday life. Waking up to Saturday's sunshine and the kids watching cartoons, I slowed my heart back down. Got a grip on reality and tried to think about why I would dream that dream.

Obviously, I know dreams work in symbols.  Mom is perfectly fine, and one part of my brain has a message for the rest of me.  My first thought about the meaning of this dream is that it's time to let something go.  Something in myself that my mom make a logical stand in for, which is harder to pin down.  Checking a few dream interpretation books and websites, I found that not only is this a bit of a common dream, but that my interpretation is dead on (pun intended).

There are lots of ways my mom could be a symbol: she's been a successful business owner, a caregiver, a pain in my behind (Don't get mad, Mom, I'm a pain in yours sometimes, too.), a survivor, a victim, a stand in for all that is against women's happiness in this country, a salesperson of great skill, and the disciplinarian of my youth.  She is many other things besides.

So what part of me do I need to let go of? Is a part I admire about her, but don't really need in myself, or is it one of those things that I know I shouldn't emulate? I don't really know.  She is another one of those people who serve as a mirror.  Sometimes we agree on things. Often, she is my cheerleader. Frequently, she is a reminder of my less stable self (She still loves to tell stories about those first years of puberty when the hormones made me cry over EVERYTHING, and I admit, they are funny, now.)  There are times when she is the measuring stick by which I have to judge how far I've come, but I don't know which of these symbols is the one I need to understand and deal with.

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