Saturday, July 7, 2012

Creation myth honesty

Reading, as usual, is getting me into trouble.  This time, it was an anthropological essay.  The essay itself isn't the point.  The one sentence retelling of a Zulu creation myth, however, is.  According to the retelling, the Zulu father god created the world then withdrew from his creation, disinterested in it's fate.  I think this is the only creation story that has ever really resonated as true to me.

It sums up my relationship with my biological father perfectly.  He was there for the creation, but not for anything else.  I share genetic material, but doubtfully, anything else.  More than once, I've considered trying to track him down, but every time, I lose interest in anything beyond an explanation of my heritage.  If he's still alive, he's well into his 70's and he's already missed out on my life, so what, exactly would I get out of any interaction with him that I couldn't get from a private investigator's report?

I know many other people who have lived this story.  Some tracked down biological parents and been disappointed, others built a somewhat stilted relationship with theirs.  Several, as I have, have decided that the absence will remain unfilled.  As I have come to understand this part of myself, my nine year old son has decided that he needs to know.  The absence of concrete knowledge about this branch of his family tree really bothers him.  My answers, my reasons are not enough for him, and that leaves me in an uncomfortable position.  Do I shoot down his curiosity as none of his business, or do I find him answers?  Do I stick to my decisions about my past? Should I be flexible?  Is there a middle ground possible?

I have no answers for myself.  I've never considered curiosity a sin, but my son's desire to know more makes me uncomfortable and it threatens to open up all the scars and callouses I've developed over a lifetime.  

4 comments:

  1. Is it possible to employ a P.I. or look up records at a court to get the answers, that way fulfilling your son's need to have answers and your need to maintain distance?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's been my thought for a while. I just need to wait until I have bit more money to spend on it.

      Delete
  2. I think that your son's interest may turn out to be a gift- a catalyst for deep healing. Just that you're contemplating this & writing about it says so much. Good Luck to you & whatever you decide to do :O)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm waiting to see how he feels when he gets home form staying with my mom for the summer. Thank you for the good wishes.

      Delete

Please feel free to comment, share or ask questions, but please, keep comments in good taste and respectful.