Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Thirteen observations about relationships

Thank you for all the well wishing and congratulations on my wedding anniversary yesterday; It means a great deal to us.  I thought I 'd share a few observations on keeping relationships functioning.  My husband and I had to learn all of these at the same time we were still growing up (not to say that we do anything but masquerade as responsible adults these days, because we don't).

  • In any long term relationship, you have to face the fact that you can love someone and not like them at the same time.  This is often temporary.
  • Shared laughter, even over really stupid stuff, is good for you.  It also has a way of healing the little bruises in relationships.
  • The more you try to change someone, the less happy you will be.  Strive for acceptance of your partner and focus on changing yourself.  In the end, you'll probably find that your partner was right next to you, changing too.
  • Pull out the memories and examine them, together, from time to time.  Little moments often mean much more later.
  • Your families will drive you both crazy from time to time.  This is normal.  Learn when to pull back from family and focus on your relationship.
  • Learn things for each other. My husband read many of my college texts while I was in school, and over the years, I've learned a lot about cars.  It will give you things to talk about, and those conversations may teach you that your partner does listen, even when you think they don't.
  • Sex should not be the basis of a relationship, but by the same token, it shouldn't be ignored either.  There is a quote I really like to keep in mind:  "You mustn't force sex to do the work of love or love to do the work of sex" -Mary McCarthy.
  • Silence can be the best answer, momentarily, but all things in a relationship must eventually be dealt with, even if it's just the laundry or dishes.
  • Speak honestly, but gently.
  • Tears can be the beginnings of healing; cry when you need to and accept that your partner will need to do the same.
  • Children are mirrors of everything you and your partner do.  Be warned.
  • Making out is still fun.  Try it.
  • Compromise is always the name of the game, but it should be equally between the two of you, not one sided.

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