Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Cutting cords

I know I've written about cutting the cords that attach us to unhealthy behaviors and ideas. Somebody asked me a question recently that really touched me and I thought I'd share my thoughts.

The question was essentially about cutting cords from people we love or experiences we don't want to completely forget. Cutting cords doesn't negate the love between people or erase experiences. It simply means we are acknowledging the presence of control of our lives and energies that come from outside us in ways that may not be in our best interest. These cords suck away energy and influence us in subtle, not always productive ways. Cutting them allows us to refocus our energies and thoughts, to clear out other influences and to focus on what we think or believe rather than what others want us to.

I have to meditate and cut the cords connecting make to things daily. I have a bad habit of internalizing everything. The day to day interactions with my husband, children and mother can subtly affect my mood by opening up pathways to doubt or fear. News articles can stir up long shelved memories of bad experiences and sap my energy and ability to be positive. Most of these are unitentional on the part of both parties, but they have a cumulative effect. All the tiny threads and cords can become one huge energy vampire.

Making a conscious decison to take control of your life and energy doesn't require ignoring bad things that happened in the past. It also doesn't mean you diminish love by refusing to allow others to feed of your energy or unduly influence your thoughts.

3 comments:

  1. I very much agree. Though sometimes just cutting off the negative does make the whole situation go away. I often talk about cutting my mother and sister out of my life because they are just bad people who spread hate and negativity. Literally though, I just made it clear that I would no longer allow them to participate in these behaviors towards me or in my presence and they in turn shut me out because of it. I suppose that if that was all they had to offer to the outside world then it is OK with me that I don't have to defend the world or myself to them anymore :)

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    1. That is a great observation, Sandi. Dome people just have to be removed from our lives for us to move forward. Congratulations to you for figuring that out and taking the responsibility to move on from toxic relationships.

      When I was writing this, I was thinking for of the cords we pick up from whining, nagging, and other small, but draining interactions we have with people (like the long standing arguments people have with their relatives about careers, relationships, money). Of course every relationship comes with these sorts of strings and we need to clear them out and focus on making better, stronger, healthier relationships rather being worn away by the energy sucking parts.

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    2. I am so glad that you were able to cut those ties so easily. When I went through the process of cutting the cords the bound me to my mother, I felt lighter,free, but unfortunatly for me, she did not and does not want to let go of my energy and the fact that she couldn't drain me any more was extremely frustrating for her. May you always be blessed and free from that energy.

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