Saturday, October 22, 2011

Fitness challenge update

I've been putting off getting my measurements.  But here they are:
Bust: 49"
Waist:38.5"
Hips:48"
Height: 5'1"
I refuse to step on the scale though. It makes me cry.

This week went better, so thanks to everyone who was so encouraging last week.  I walked each morning, including getting a few extra minutes in on Monday and Tuesday.  I've been drinking my water, and I added extra veggies to our comfort food casserole on Monday (and the kids didn't notice anything amiss). Wednesday and Thursday had nice walks, but Friday, I was running late and not feeling well.  I'm getting the flu, I think.

I even spend a few minutes with my Pilates band.  Still haven't done the yoga, but that's because I can't currently find my living room floor.  Maybe I can get the living room cleaned up and get the little guy to dance with me one night.

I've set a new goal.  Screw the weight loss, I wan to fit into that pair of jeans in my bottom drawer that I've never worn.  Mostly because I don't want to buy another pair that fits (please, please, please don't make me go to Sears).  They're only one size down.  That should be doable, right?

Anyhow, I hope all of you are feeling some change happening and I will try to catch up on reading your posts in the next few days when I feel better.  Good luck and best wishes.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The discomfort of Limbo

I hate to be between.  The idea of Limbo scares the crap out of me and indecision pisses me off.  So my life lately has been uncomfortable because everything is up in the air.  On an ideological level, I get the importance of liminal spaces as the boundaries between diametrically opposed concepts.  As much as French Structural anthropology makes my head spin, I get the basic point.  In life, liminal spaces are harder for me to deal with.

This is one of those spiritual lessons that I have been terribly resistant to.  I'll admit to it. I'd rather be solidly grounded in a situation or decision, even if it's not the right one, than to be in between.  I know there are lessons to be learned about going with the flow, patience, and rejecting boundaries, but it's frightening.

In meditation, the void doesn't scare me, now that I'm used to it.  It was daunting at first, but eventually, I found a way to understand.  I know that is what I need to do with my life right now, but it's hard, and I'm feeling whiny.

Do you have problems with the betweens of life?  How do you deal with them?  I'd love to know.  In the mean time, I'm focusing on not freaking out and trying to absorb whatever lesson is to be found in this Limbo.

Blessings!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Giving what you've got

Saturday night we ran to Target for a couple of items.  Not exactly the sort of thing to set you up for a moment of clarity, right? Standing outside the store, with a tiny cardboard sign was a Eastern European family panhandling.  A man, a woman and two little boys.  Most people wouldn't even look at them, a few people gave them a couple of dollars.  It is to date, one of the most heart breaking things I've ever seen.  I had no cash to give them; I didn't even have my wallet, since I was with my husband, I'd left it at home.  I felt horrible.

We buckled our kids into the car, my husband started tapping away on his phone and we drove off.  Lucky for me, my husband is a very compassionate person.  He'd looked up the location of the nearest ATM, withdrew some cash and drove back to Target.  We left them with $40, a sleeping bag from the trunk of the car and our hopes that they find better days soon.  They spoke so little English, and we wondered if there was anything else we could do for them.  It didn't seem like enough.

My husband, a devout atheist (and a tenderhearted, compassionate and accepting person) was angry as headed home.  He was frustrated with society and aching with grief for this family.  I must say, I felt (and continue to feel) the same.  There is a lot wrong with this world, and it is exhausting to try to change it.  But looking that woman in the eye, I know I can't stop trying to make the world a better place.

My point, today, is this: give what you've got to the world.  Your energy, your words, your work, your talents, your money are all valuable in the struggle to make a beautiful, compassionate society.  Don't give up.  Remember that karma (or Divine retribution or reciprocal energy) exists.  it may be slow, but the good you sow, comes back to you eventually.  Touching one life may change many.  Whatever you put out into the world will eventually create change.  Accept your power and your responsibility, and go out there and make something beautiful.

And along these lines, without all my angst, is a piece making the rounds on Facebook.  I'm not certain that Lemony Snicket actually wrote it, but I like it.


Thirteen Observations made by Lemony Snicket while watching Occupy Wall Street from a Discreet Distance 
1. If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn’t mean you would be a midget if you were bald.
2. “Fortune” is a word for having a lot of money and for having a lot of luck, but that does not mean the word has two definitions.
3. Money is like a child—rarely unaccompanied. When it disappears, look to those who were supposed to be keeping an eye on it while you were at the grocery store. You might also look for someone who has a lot of extra children sitting around, with long, suspicious explanations for how they got there.
4. People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter—it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.
5. There may not be a reason to share your cake. It is, after all, yours. You probably baked it yourself, in an oven of your own construction with ingredients you harvested yourself. It may be possible to keep your entire cake while explaining to any nearby hungry people just how reasonable you are.
6. Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they’ve been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative.
7. Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they aren’t. Sit with them and have a drink.
8. Don’t ask yourself if something is fair. Ask someone else—a stranger in the street, for example.
9. People gathering in the streets feeling wronged tend to be loud, as it is difficult to make oneself heard on the other side of an impressive edifice.
10. It is not always the job of people shouting outside impressive buildings to solve problems. It is often the job of the people inside, who have paper, pens, desks, and an impressive view.
11. Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.
12. If you have a large crowd shouting outside your building, there might not be room for a safety net if you’re the one tumbling down when it collapses.
13. 99 percent is a very large percentage. For instance, easily 99 percent of people want a roof over their heads, food on their tables, and the occasional slice of cake for dessert. Surely an arrangement can be made with that niggling 1 percent who disagree.

http://files.neilgaiman.com/mirror/111017162300/occupywriters.com/by-lemony-snicket.html

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Love your body

Today is NOW's "Love Your Body" Day.  Let me start by confessing that these days, I don't love my body as I should.  I'm overweight and my skin is currently a disaster.  I don't worry too much about the scars and stretch marks, there is nothing to do for them.

I long ago accepted I would never be a supermodel; I'm too short (5'1") and have always been to curvy (My and Dolly Parton have a bit in common). After gaining a lot of weight with each baby, I'm trying to relearn the love I once had for my body.  It isn't any easy thing to do.

There are certainly things I can appreciate about my body- I manged to deliver to beautiful babies safely and without drugs.  I've only broken two small bones in one foot.  I don't get sick very often, which has been a good thing since most of my life has not seen me with medical insurance. My body, all said and done, has been rather good to me.

Loving your body is about accepting beauty in ways that the fashion industry doesn't.  It's about unlearning toxic behaviors and it's about refusing to be bullied by stereotypes.  Rejecting a lifetime of aggressive marketing and subliminal programming is not easy, but for our sake, and the sake of all the girls and women who come after us, it's worth the effort.




Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Getting over misandry

My mother used to like to tell me about my startling, funny and, in her opinion, smart behavior towards men when I was a baby.  If one came near (within 10 feet) me in a public place, like the grocery store, I'd scream bloody murder. As a kid they all kind of scared me.  As a teenager, they were vile beings with not purpose except subjecting women and fertilizing eggs.  I wanted to be an Amazon.

My husband, who knew me during my man hating teenage years (and still had a huge crush on me in spite of it) put up with hanging out with a group of overly vocal females who always told him we'd keep him around if women took over the earth because he could be a girl with a penis.  My opinion on men in general is a result of growing up seeing my mom abused, being molested by a man who walked away unpunished (while I was humiliated, harassed and shamed in public), put down by male teachers and of seeing many poverty stricken women who had been impregnated and discarded by some really bad men.  I knew a few good men, but the were the exception not the rule.  I'm not excusing myself here, but you should know that there are valid and compelling reasons for my views.

It's taken a long time to realize that men are not inherently evil and women are not inherently good (take a look at Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann for my idea of horrible women who shame the intelligence and agency of women everywhere).  I no longer believe a female dominated society to be a cure for the world's problems- because any society that alienates half of it's members would be doomed to being unbalanced.  it's taken time to open my heart to a god, as I have to a goddess.

Once I began to start trying to accept a god, I was scared.  Would He be angry at me for my prior attitude?  Would I meet him as a child, a lover, a father, or an elder?  Would I be able to accept the lessons he would teach or was I too damaged?  I turned out to be far easier and more enjoyable than I ever anticipated.  He has come to me in many forms now, with many lessons.  He has been a Divine infant in need or understanding and care to teach me how to mother and how wise children can be.  He has been a father, wise and stern, disappointed but still loving.  He has been the eccentric and enigmatic elder who speaks in riddles and spoils me a bit.  He has been a lover, teaching me to understand that love and physical pleasure are best when given and reciprocated.

Of all of the challenges I have faced during my spiritual journey, accepting, understanding and releasing my own misandry has been the most difficult.  It's an ongoing lesson, but each encounter with the Divine Masculine brings me closer to balance, closer to perfecting myself, closer to whatever the next stage of the journey is.  If you have already faced this part of your spiritual journey, congratualtions.  Feel free to share your expereince with us.  If you have not, maybe the time is right to start examining why you haven't.  From there, you can make the effort to engage the Divine Masculine (see my Into the Cauldron blog for a guided meditation/exercise to get started) if the time is right.

Blessings!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Sometimes I'm bad, and that's good

There is particular, delicious flavor to naughtiness.  I'm sure that's why my kids enjoy it so. There are days when I throw all caution and good behavior to the wind and enjoy some mischief.  I think of it as channeling my inner pixie; my husband calls it being evil.  My kids think it's funny, as long as it isn't directed at them (and sometimes, they like being the "victims").

I'd like to claim that the naughtiness is only trotted out on special occassions, but frankly, I just do on a whim.  It's fun to free myself from some of the constraints imposed on me by society and myself.  It can wash away a great deal of irritation and feelings of aging.  It reminds me that I can make my own rules, so long as I don't go overboard.

Have some fun and embrace your naughty side.  It's empowering and just plain fun.  Tell a naughty joke, pull a prank, laugh, say what's on your mind. A little bit of bad is very good in moderation, so eat dessert first or wear red lipstick.  Live a little!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Motherhood resolutions

Somehow, this feminist has been saddled with male children.  After the shock of that wore off, I had to figure out to raise the little penis bearers.  I have brothers, which convinced me at an early age that I should only have girl children.  Obviously, the Fates decreed otherwise and here I sit, trying to figure them out.

So as I have these two boys, who are my responsibility, I have to have a plan.  These are my motherhood resolutions (for the moment):

  • I will teach them that girls can do anything boys can do, except pee standing up and fertilizing eggs.
  • I will expect them to respect everyone as a human being, but to only buy the crap of a select, deserving few.
  • Someday, I will convince them, and their daddy too, that boobs are not pillows.
  • International Women's Day will be an event in this household.
  • I will laugh at some of their penis jokes (even if I leave the room, so they don't see it).
  • Mud and puddles are fun, but don't drip on the carpet.
  • Hair styling products work on boy hair too.
  • I will teach them how to dress themselves (no stripes and plaid don't go together just because they have the same color).
  • Eventually, they will learn to lift the toilet ring before they pee.
  • Women's rights are human rights.  Just because women are not currently treated equal to men in many places, doesn't mean they aren't deserving of equal treatment.
  • No means no.  Regardless of the question.
  • There is no such thing as "women's work"- and I will resurrect Grammy's punishment for any boy who dares tell me otherwise (my brother did dishes for years after telling my mom he shouldn't have to do them because it was woman's work).
  • Hygiene is important.  Stink is only funny to little boys.
  • If something seems rotten in the state of Denmark, it probably is a symptom of a problem (which brings us back to the whole hygiene thing, doesn't it).
  • Never just stand by and let people be mistreated.  Silence equals complicity.
  • Open doors for people, especially little old ladies and the girl you have a crush on.
  • Respect yourself.  Respect others. Respect knowledge.  Respect honesty.
  • I will make them take dance lessons at some point before High School.
  • Everyone should know how to cook.
  • Just because Mom doesn't do something doesn't mean she can't.
  • Gender roles are not the same as sex.  Masculinity is not inherent; it's culturally constructed.
  • Cite your sources.
  • I will teach them that love and sex don't always dwell together, but it's nice when they do.
  • Stick to your principles, unless or until they prove wrong. Changing your opinion isn't weakness, it's about having the courage to admit you made a mistake. It also shows emotional maturity.
  • Laugh at yourself.
  • People make mistakes- me, you, everyone.
For the moment, these are my goals from parenting my boys.  I'm sure I'll add a few and learn a number of lessons that should be included on this list as time goes by.  What do you most hope to pass on to future generations?