I refuse to participate

Ten years ago, a tremendous tragedy occurred here in the United States.  We are all aware of it.  Rather than addressing the root causes of an anger so great that it would attack civilians, this nation endorsed, a witch hunt, a war, torture and xenophobia.  I refuse to participate in keeping violence and hatred alive and fresh in the memories of Americans.  The lives lost to this tragedy and the ensuing 'war on terror' have climbed to climbed to the hundreds of thousands.  Those lives, all of them, were precious to someone, and I remember that.  There were a couple thousand victims of 9/11.  Add to that dead civilians killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, plus the soldiers, contractors, and journalists.  Now add the people who will die of disease or starvation because their method of subsidence has been destroyed.  Add the people who have been denied humanitarian aid by the United States because so much of our money and resources are sunk into fighting "terrorism".

I will not wrap myself in the flag of my country and cloak of righteous indignation and cheer as people die. It diminishes those lives to political (and let's face it, religious) symbols justifying violence.  It distracts us from the work of creating peace.  It makes us fight amongst ourselves, give away our rights and defend undemocratic ideals.  Today, I will light a candle to honor the dead- the victims, the terrorists who felt compelled to make themselves heard this way, the soldiers who died on both sides, the people who were caught in the crossfire of fear and warmongering and profiteering.  I will think about the families who are no longer whole, but I will not participate in any "patriotic" display.  I will not listen as people use this tragedy to further their ambitions.

I know this position is likely to be unpopular with many people.  That's fine.  I'm exercising my right to free speech. I am following my own conscience, which says " Life is precious, people deserve peace, and hatred and violence only breeds more hatred and violence."

Saltwater

"The cure for anything is salt water- sweat, tears or the sea." -Henry David Thoreau

Sometimes, when everything is too much, we need to wash away the dirt to see what's underneath.  Sometimes we cry, sometimes we sweat.  Sometimes, we merge back with the primordial.  It's cleansing.

Today, for the first time in a long while, I cried for myself.  I cried from frustrations, from fear, from anger, from sadness.  And some of it washed away along with the tears.  I dried my eyes, and rubbed a bit of rose oil under my eyes to heal the skin made dry and fragile from the tears.  Blew my nose, and found something to do.

Let yourself go once in awhile.  Your job is not to be a pillar, supporting the weight of everything.  You are only human, and sometimes, sweat or tears are required to remove the accumulated dust and grime of our souls.

Choosing hope

Lately, the news seems comprised of three categories: the bad, the really bad and the truly awful.  As an empathetic person who sometimes aches terribly for the suffering of others, it often becomes overwhelming.  For me, it's like being pulled under by a huge tentacled monster in a sea of sludge.

Yet everyday, I chose to keep struggling, to keep fighting my way back to the surface.  It's not easy; it's often exhausting and sometimes it doesn't work.  Other days, someone or something helps me out, by lifting me up, letting me rest.  Some days, I even manage to pull myself, temporarily, out of the sludge and exist away from the struggle; as much as I would love to live there, to never struggle against injustice, fear, pain, sorrow, cruelty and hatred, I can't ignore it.  I have to keep speaking up, even when I'm pretty sure that I'm being ignored.  If I don't try, how can I expect anyone else to?

I choose hope today.  There are days when my doubts get the better of me, but I haven't given up completely.  When you feel overwhelmed, how do you deal?  Do you retreat and regroup?  Do you despair?  Do you soldier on?  Do you have some other creative way to cope?

"The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope."

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

The Butterfly Project

EmKat posted about this on her blog this morning and I thought I'd pass it along.  The Holocaust Museum Houston is collecting 1.5 million butterflies to honor the children who died during the Holocaust.  They are accepting submissions through June 30, 2012 and the exhibit is scheduled for the 2013.

This is a great project for anyone interested in crafts, world peace and history.

http://www.hmh.org/ed_butterfly1.shtml

I am currently working on my butterfly.  I'll post the pictures up  here when I finish it.  If you send me your photos, I'll most them too.

When it's your hometown on the news

At any moment, somewhere in the world, a tragedy occurs.  Wars are being fought, oppressive regimes are maintaining their hold on their people, accidents and crimes happen.  Today, it was in the town I grew up in.  Carson City, NV isn't large, especially for a capital city and more importantly, in contrast to Las Vegas. It isn't particularly close knit, but I can tell you, we all pretty much knew each other.  There were very few degrees of separation, and I expect that hasn't changed in the years I've been gone.

This morning, a gunman opened fire at the IHOP in Carson.  People are dead, people are injured and everyone is waiting for answers.  The media is reporting conflicting information and the rumor mill has begun to wind up.  I sit here, 250 miles away, wondering if anyone I knew was involved.  I wonder what happened, and I hope that my family (as estranged as it is) is alright.

These sorts of tragedies are awful, wherever they occur, but when the place on the news is the place you grew up, it hurts you in a new way.  May healing all who need it.

Mischief

I am feeling very pixie-like today.  The urge to mess with people is strong, and I'm finding it difficult to behave.  There is the bare preschooler bottom hanging out that I desire to pinch, and the whining 8 year old whose hair I was tempted to mess up more when he complained about it.  How about commenting on people's Facebook idiocy?  So many options, all with their own risks and rewards.... How will I ever decide what mischief to make?

Falling down

Being human means making mistakes.  It's part of life, as much as we all wish it wasn't.  We all say and do things we wish we hadn't, and then, we have to find a way to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess, make amends and move on.

There are three important parts of undoing our mistakes.  The first is to forgive ourselves.  If we can't, why should anyone else?  The second is to ask for forgiveness, and be patient if it isn't immediately forth coming.  The last is to commit to changing our behavior.  This doesn't mean we will never make another mistake, but it means that we reject old behaviors and embrace the idea that we can improve ourselves.

So for anyone I have hurt, I am sorry.  To anyone looking for change, I support your decision. Change is in the air, and it is up to us all to embrace changing things for the better.  This means letting go of anger, fear, guilt, shame, and jealousy.  It means banding together, rather than being splintered into factions.  it means accepting and giving love to ourselves, our fellows and our world.