Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Preparing for celebration

Tonight we'll light the candles for the first time and turn on the holiday music.  For a few minutes after the kids go to bed and before I have to go wrap gifts, I fully intend to sit quietly and enjoy the cold and the darkness of winter.

I sometimes find myself missing the noise and drama of my former family holidays, but at other times, I enjoy the quiet of my current celebrations.  I can't go back in time and re-experience the past and I can't change my family.  It's taken time to get to the point where I no longer cry for what was.  Now there is a twinge of longing, but I also love the subtly of the holidays in my home.  There is time to reflect, to just be without expectation.  It's not a production like my mom put on, it is a connection to my Gods.  Flickering candlelight bouncing off glittered decorations remind me of ice and snow.  The warmth of my husband and children cuddled up with me gives me time to appreciate the warmth and comfort that family can be.  The darkness helps me appreciate the light.  Music connects memories with current moments.

Tonight, I will honor my memories and the labor that goes into creating a celebration. I will stop to feel the stillness and exhaustion.  I will admire my handiwork. I will embrace the dark.

 Tomorrow, I will celebrate the past, present and future.  I will laugh and play and eat.  I will toast the darkness and the rebirth of the sun.  I will honoring the Mother Goddess giving birth and the dying Winter King  I will celebrate the newborn Sun Child.  Gifts wil be exchanged and laughter will ring through my home.

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