Sunday, October 16, 2011

Motherhood resolutions

Somehow, this feminist has been saddled with male children.  After the shock of that wore off, I had to figure out to raise the little penis bearers.  I have brothers, which convinced me at an early age that I should only have girl children.  Obviously, the Fates decreed otherwise and here I sit, trying to figure them out.

So as I have these two boys, who are my responsibility, I have to have a plan.  These are my motherhood resolutions (for the moment):

  • I will teach them that girls can do anything boys can do, except pee standing up and fertilizing eggs.
  • I will expect them to respect everyone as a human being, but to only buy the crap of a select, deserving few.
  • Someday, I will convince them, and their daddy too, that boobs are not pillows.
  • International Women's Day will be an event in this household.
  • I will laugh at some of their penis jokes (even if I leave the room, so they don't see it).
  • Mud and puddles are fun, but don't drip on the carpet.
  • Hair styling products work on boy hair too.
  • I will teach them how to dress themselves (no stripes and plaid don't go together just because they have the same color).
  • Eventually, they will learn to lift the toilet ring before they pee.
  • Women's rights are human rights.  Just because women are not currently treated equal to men in many places, doesn't mean they aren't deserving of equal treatment.
  • No means no.  Regardless of the question.
  • There is no such thing as "women's work"- and I will resurrect Grammy's punishment for any boy who dares tell me otherwise (my brother did dishes for years after telling my mom he shouldn't have to do them because it was woman's work).
  • Hygiene is important.  Stink is only funny to little boys.
  • If something seems rotten in the state of Denmark, it probably is a symptom of a problem (which brings us back to the whole hygiene thing, doesn't it).
  • Never just stand by and let people be mistreated.  Silence equals complicity.
  • Open doors for people, especially little old ladies and the girl you have a crush on.
  • Respect yourself.  Respect others. Respect knowledge.  Respect honesty.
  • I will make them take dance lessons at some point before High School.
  • Everyone should know how to cook.
  • Just because Mom doesn't do something doesn't mean she can't.
  • Gender roles are not the same as sex.  Masculinity is not inherent; it's culturally constructed.
  • Cite your sources.
  • I will teach them that love and sex don't always dwell together, but it's nice when they do.
  • Stick to your principles, unless or until they prove wrong. Changing your opinion isn't weakness, it's about having the courage to admit you made a mistake. It also shows emotional maturity.
  • Laugh at yourself.
  • People make mistakes- me, you, everyone.
For the moment, these are my goals from parenting my boys.  I'm sure I'll add a few and learn a number of lessons that should be included on this list as time goes by.  What do you most hope to pass on to future generations?


  1. I agree with and think you'll be able to teach everything on your list except one. You will never be able to convince them boobs are not pillows..I hate to break it to you but its true. Even my SISTER who is 22yrs old still hugs me and puts her head on my Everything else I completely agree with and am also trying to teach my son.

  2. My husband also says that I'll never convince them (or him) that they aren't pillows. Maybe they won't be as appealing when they stretch down to my knees...LOL. Thanks, Delphi!

  3. Two commands every guy should learn early on:

    1 "Sit!" (on the toilet, that is) and
    2 "Down!" (with the lid afterwards - don't look funny, it helps prevent said room from smelling ^^)

    I am determined to only have girls, but the BF has got other plans, I have heard - and he said I am not to trade any future baby boy in for a pony. *pout*

  4. I'm not terribly worried about sitting on the potty. I'd rather they remembered to raise the ring and lower it again. I hate falling in the toilet at 3am.

    Diandra, my husband and the doctors neglected to tell me that I'd delivered a son for nearly 15 minutes after his birth. The doctor because he was an idiot and my husband because he was afraid I'd try to send him back. Good luck with your plans.


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