Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Getting over misandry

My mother used to like to tell me about my startling, funny and, in her opinion, smart behavior towards men when I was a baby.  If one came near (within 10 feet) me in a public place, like the grocery store, I'd scream bloody murder. As a kid they all kind of scared me.  As a teenager, they were vile beings with not purpose except subjecting women and fertilizing eggs.  I wanted to be an Amazon.

My husband, who knew me during my man hating teenage years (and still had a huge crush on me in spite of it) put up with hanging out with a group of overly vocal females who always told him we'd keep him around if women took over the earth because he could be a girl with a penis.  My opinion on men in general is a result of growing up seeing my mom abused, being molested by a man who walked away unpunished (while I was humiliated, harassed and shamed in public), put down by male teachers and of seeing many poverty stricken women who had been impregnated and discarded by some really bad men.  I knew a few good men, but the were the exception not the rule.  I'm not excusing myself here, but you should know that there are valid and compelling reasons for my views.

It's taken a long time to realize that men are not inherently evil and women are not inherently good (take a look at Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann for my idea of horrible women who shame the intelligence and agency of women everywhere).  I no longer believe a female dominated society to be a cure for the world's problems- because any society that alienates half of it's members would be doomed to being unbalanced.  it's taken time to open my heart to a god, as I have to a goddess.

Once I began to start trying to accept a god, I was scared.  Would He be angry at me for my prior attitude?  Would I meet him as a child, a lover, a father, or an elder?  Would I be able to accept the lessons he would teach or was I too damaged?  I turned out to be far easier and more enjoyable than I ever anticipated.  He has come to me in many forms now, with many lessons.  He has been a Divine infant in need or understanding and care to teach me how to mother and how wise children can be.  He has been a father, wise and stern, disappointed but still loving.  He has been the eccentric and enigmatic elder who speaks in riddles and spoils me a bit.  He has been a lover, teaching me to understand that love and physical pleasure are best when given and reciprocated.

Of all of the challenges I have faced during my spiritual journey, accepting, understanding and releasing my own misandry has been the most difficult.  It's an ongoing lesson, but each encounter with the Divine Masculine brings me closer to balance, closer to perfecting myself, closer to whatever the next stage of the journey is.  If you have already faced this part of your spiritual journey, congratualtions.  Feel free to share your expereince with us.  If you have not, maybe the time is right to start examining why you haven't.  From there, you can make the effort to engage the Divine Masculine (see my Into the Cauldron blog for a guided meditation/exercise to get started) if the time is right.



  1. Thanks for sharing this. I have always felt more comfortable around guys but very unsure of men older than me. I have no idea where that would have come from since all the men in my family are wonderful. But I do. Spiritually I feel there has to be a perfect balance of masculine and feminine energy. However my poor husband is so over run by feminine energy in this house with me and 3 daughters :) hehehe

  2. This is a really touching and honest post. I think you should consider submitting it to witchvox.

    Blessings on your journey, darlin!

  3. Misty, I am outnumbered by my husband and sons. Maybe our households balance each other.

  4. Thanks for your support everyone. This post has been a long time in forming. It's not easy to accept when you've made a huge error and had to correct your course. I hope my experiences help others come to grips with their issues. Blessings and love to all of you.


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