Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Wondering where I went

A post from a friend on Facebook last week got me thinking.  She had posted that she just realized that she missed who she used to be.  She became a stay at home mom when her baby was born, and at times, I think it chafes a little.  I know it does for me.  I never planned to be here with my children all the time.  I planned to work and to keep some part of my life separate from my family.  It didn't happen.

I admire people who can stay home with their children and feel fulfilled by it, but I am trying to get away from feeling guilt because it doesn't satisfy me.  We are each suited to differing roles in life, and we shouldn't judge people for it.  Just because being a wife and a mother does not satisfy my mind or my soul, it doesn't mean I don't love my family.  It's not being selfish.  It is simply who I am.

I can completely empathize with this friend of mine.  I wake up some mornings and wonder where I went.  My life at times feels unfamiliar and unreal, like I am simply having a weird dream.  Other days it isn't like that.  In a perfect world, I could easily reconcile the parts of myself and live my life as a complete and fulfilled person.  I'm trying, but I have no map to guide me.  I have to blaze my own trails through rough and thorny terrain.  I get caught in the briers and I fall down a lot; the journey is slow because I can't see exactly where I am going.

If you are wondering where you went, take heart in the fact that you aren't alone.  Lots of us feel this way.  We're all trying to find our way to who we want to be.  

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