Monday, April 11, 2011

Prickly Days

I have days where I can't stand to be touched.  My kids climbing on me for attention makes be feel caged. A hug from husband feels like I've been tied up.  A bump from a stranger makes my heart pound.  If feels like my aura needs to grow nice, long, sharp thorns to protect me.

Obviously, this is not a great way to live.  It's no fun for people around me and it makes me feel isolated and confined at the same time.  These vulnerable days happen occasionally, I am trying to learn to deal with them in a positive and life affirming way.  Sometimes, a walk outside, somewhere with some space helps.  Other times, wrapping up in a sweater or blanket allows me to feel like I've put on armor.  Deep breaths and verbalizing my feelings helps.

However you feel is all right.  It's valid and has a reason for you, but we all must learn to deal with the rough spots in our personalities and emotions without damaging other people.  I find myself reminding me to "use my words" and not take everything as a personal attack.  Getting through these sorts of bad days is getting easier, but I still have a long way to go.  Asking for help and understanding from others can be huge step towards a happier life.  Giving yourself permission to feel the way you feel is the first step to changing; that's not to say that you give yourself permission to behave badly, it just means that you acknowledge your feelings and choose to control your actions.

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