Thursday, August 27, 2015

Refusing delivery

Yesterday was the first day back to school. After morning meltdowns, lost objects that needed to make their way into backpacks, and meal prep, Aiden started third grade at the elementary school, and Gavin began seventh at the middle school. In between drop offs, we had a PTA coffee to attend, as my husband is now the president. Then we ran to the bank to deal with the PTA accounts. That's when the day went from simply busy to crazy.

The car sprayed water on the windscreen. The only problem was the water was boiling temperature, which meant my husband pulled over and popped the bonnet. One of the hoses that connects to the radiator or the heater core sprang a leak. Colin, determined not to have a bad day, closed everything up, assessed the gauges, and continued to the bank. I called a friend who had borrowed our spare car to make sure I could pick it up, while Colin did the banking. Within 15 minutes, we had new issue: the second car wouldn't shift without "assistance". I was going to be driving a car with potentially no brake lights that required both hands to take it out of park. Joy. It could be dealt with. Colin needed to get to work. I needed to go eat. Kids were going to need to be picked up. We just had to play the hand we'd been dealt. Colin still refused to acknowledge that it was not a great day.

Colin, locking up after making up the two hours he missed at work in the morning, a long meeting for personnel issues, and a bunch of work related irritations, was still insisting that this was not a bad day. He came home, fixed the car, broke a new pay of the car, and had to go apologize to the kids for not being able to spend time with them. While he ate his dinner and talked to me, he still maintained the day wasn't bad. You have to admire that level of determination in the face of irritation, adversity, and nothing going right.

Colin's attitude is proof that we can simply refuse to accept our own reactions to negativity. We can acknowledge the setbacks, but we are not obligated to let them bring us down. The choice is ours alone.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Getting nothing done

Where did my ambition go? Somewhere that is not here, for sure. I started the summer with a list of projects and plans that I was determined to get done. We're now three weeks from the start of school, and I'm over it all.

Maybe it's pregnancy exhaustion. Maybe the craziness of last month sapped my energy. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe I not off more than I could chew. The fact remains that I got very little done, and I'm cranky and annoyed and frustrated. I feel like I failed at something.

I realize this feeling is silly and doesn't help get anything done. I need to forgive myself, but more importantly, I need to start making more realistic goals. I don't need to be Wonder Woman all the time. It's not good for me, and it gives everyone around me permission to ask too much of me.

I'm making a mid-year resolution, right now. I will be kinder to myself. I will be more reasonable when I set expectations, and I will honor my own accomplishments rather than berating myself.